This Ramadan let’s connect with our families

Welcome to another opportunity to be the honored guests of Allah! We are blessed to experience another month of Ramadan, where we hope that we are able to cleanse our hearts, revive our souls, and come closer to our Creator.

This holy month coincides with a time in our lives where we have found ourselves in a new normal. We have been forced to shed ourselves of the outside world, and reevaluate our internal lives. What were we before eating outside, enjoying each other outside, and using our homes as simply places to regather and sleep? Were we utilizing our sacred, private spaces to connect and build stronger bonds?

And, this, quite frankly, is exactly what the month of Ramadan teaches us. How to control ourselves in this world where everything is right in front of you. How to discipline our souls to think higher, and greater. More than just about what to eat and drink, or how to plan our next getaway.

This year, our family is blessed to have another newly minted baligha in the house. Our second daughter just turned baligh about a month ago. So now our two eldest girls are fasting alongside us, and like most other Muslims, we are forced to honor this holy month solely from our homes. In years past, and even from my own childhood, the month of Ramadan went hand in hand with daily trips to the masjid to take part in children’s classes, and then breaking fast with others and praying together.

We are in Qom and are grateful to be able to spend the entire holy month of Ramadan under the grace of Lady Masooma. In years past we have often been back home in the states during this holy month. Even though the shrine is still closed, we hope as a family to spend this month connecting with each other, as we read Qur’an, pray, and do small activities together.

One thing that Ayatollah Khamenei talked about this year during his speech on the 15th of Shaban, was to focus on partaking in Ramadan worship and activities as a family, since the common culture of breaking fast with others, praying in the masjids, etc., would no longer be an option because of COVID -19.

So how do we make the holy month of Ramadan a beautiful way to connect with our spouses and our kids?

Building stronger family connections during the month of Ramadan

• Decorate your home together – It doesn’t have to cost a lot to count. The fact that you are joining together to get in the Ramadan spirit is what matters.

• Create a suhoor (pre-fast) and iftar (breaking fast) menu – We sat together and wrote up a menu for suhoor and iftar. This helped us keep things simple, talk about not focusing on food solely, and also helped us think about preparing food ahead of time.

• Have some family activities planned –

  –Instill a daily habit of assigning a family member to give some sadaqah, or charity, every day. While this should be a daily habit even outside of the holy month of Ramadan, sometimes we lose momentum, so this holy month can help jumpstart it again.

  –The kids cut out stars with pictures of different topics found in the Holy Qur’an. On the back of the star is a specific verse of the Holy Qur’an pertaining to that topic. Each day one child picks out a star and we read the verse together. They hung them up on the wall. But you could hang them on a string, also.

  –A couple hours before breaking fast we get the whole family involved in preparing the meal. This can include cleaning the table, setting plates/glasses, cutting fruits, making sharbat, etc.

  –An hour after breaking fast together we sit together and read Qur’an and special daily prayers. It gives us a chance to wind down, gather our thoughts, and read the beautiful words of Allah.

• Being mindful – As a family we talk a lot about our responsibilities to each other. Are we helping each other become better Muslims? If someone makes a mistake do we rejoice? Or do we help them avoid that mistake? If someone looks like they need a hand, do we think about sacrificing our free time, and helping?

  –You can help remind each other using letter boards, or make small signs and hang them in your kids’ rooms or in the hallway. This helps keep these reminders subtle, yet constant.

  

InshaAllah one of our goals as parents during this Ramadan is to gain a better connection with our children through implementing these values.

I’ve read a few stories of people who have left the religion of Islam. And one thing that struck me was a commonality in their stories – they admitted they were raised by parents who were not strict adherents of the religion; rather, they followed edicts quite loosely and felt a more traditional connection to the religion instead of looking at it as a way of life.

Unfortunately if our only connection to religion is based on what our parents or grandparents taught us, then our understanding will be quite limited and more likely filled with holes.

In order to have our children feel a more complete connection to Islam we have tried to be clear and consistent in the values that we teach them.

There’s no better way to increase this connection than by doing it together and growing closer to Allah as a family.

May this beautiful month be filled with many blessings for your families.

Forget the sanctions; focus on Iran’s willpower

It hasn’t been the easiest time dealing with COVID-19 in Iran.

For one, the whole world is looking at you under a microscope, as you’re dealing with a dangerous virus.

You’re also under attack by sanctions that are affecting many parts of daily life.

But the many beautiful things I’ve witnessed in this country have left me speechless. And I would hope we don’t just turn Iran into a sob story.

These days many Iranian Americans will speak about sanctions and how Iran is suffering. While it’s true, I beg you to ask those of us living inside the country about the wonderful things also going on.

Iran should not be defined by just sanctions, and the problems. And this unrealistic view of what we “want” Iran to look like.

One of my teachers wanted us to read a book as a class, but since we are all quarantined, she instead gave us directions to send the book to each other via a taxi delivery service. We were given directions to disinfect the book first, and place it in a second plastic bag to avoid any external contamination.

And she also sent a packet of money to help each of us pay for the fare.

Just recently a neighbor of mine mentioned she received a bottle of disinfectant for free from a group working with the Iranian military.

They were handing it out to many residents. And on a short drive outside to pick up medication and groceries, we saw volunteers of the same force in our neighborhood spraying cars down with disinfectant.

There are also stations set up around the city giving free spray-downs.

Iranian students are sewing face masks, seminary students are volunteering at hospitals – this is also Iran.

Ayatollah Syed Ali Khamenei has honored the sacrifices of the Iranian people. He acknowledged their troubles and encouraged the nation to look within and stand stronger. To utilize the talents and skills of the Iranian people so that the country could diffuse the effects of sanctions.

During the pandemic, he has asked the people of Iran to heed the advice and recommendations of medical experts.

If anything in a time of hardship, you want a leader who doesn’t lie to you, treats you with respect, and builds you up. That’s why year after year Iranians still come out in support of the Supreme Leader.

I just saw a beautiful video of a tribute to Iranian medical personnel helping during the COVID-19 pandemic. They are gifted with a piece of carpet from the holy shrine of Imam Reza in Mashhad.

These professionals are given the gift on the day of Imam Hussain’s birthday. A revered leader who fought against injustice. A role model for many Muslims.

The beauty lies in their reactions of this special gift on such a special day.

Why can’t we appreciate an attachment to faith? Especially in such a time of hardship when the entire world is gripped by a microscopic virus.

Honestly these days most of us are left scratching our heads. Our lives have turned upside down. Yet if we look deep within, there’s a small light of hope only ignited by faith in a Higher Being.

Forget the sanctions for a minute. And focus on the strength and love for community. Even if America doesn’t give sanctions relief, will we expect Iranians to lay down and die? No, God willing, they’ll come out stronger than ever before.

When a virus brings life to a grinding halt

This was the wake-up call we needed.

One day, we’re packing lunches and sending the kids off to school. The next, we are listening to teachers give lessons via phones and laptops.

Our new normal consists of living in pjs, taking pictures of homework, recording our Quran recitations for teachers, and trying to find new ideas to keep busy.

Anyone feel like planning for meals has now become a profession?

I guess we needed this. We needed this microscopic piece of matter to tell us to stop, and focus on what really matters.

Where many of us were probably concerned with our work lives, extracurricular, planning our weekend outings, thinking about our next big purchase – now we have to literally stay home and dwell on the little mundane details of life. Like, keeping my kids busy without screen time. And what life is like with all of us home all day.

Well it seems mundane. But it’s the opposite, in fact. We should always have been focused on the internal, instead of the external.

But it’s hard. It’s hard when the world is telling you to work hard so you can climb the corporate ladder and get that promotion. And you need that promotion so you can afford the extracurricular activities for the kids. And the kids need extracurricular activities so they can thrive, and compete with the other kids.

Is it any surprise then that one day we would be forced to slow down? Families who never cared about home cooked meals are now stuck in the kitchen. Kids who actually were physically home for mere hours before being shuffled to bed, are now stuck home all day long.

I don’t know about you all, but much to my dismay, bedtimes are now a thing of the past.

How strange and foolish is man. He loses his health in gaining wealth. Then, to regain his health he wastes his wealth. He ruins his present while worrying about his future, but weeps in the future by recalling his past. – Imam Ali (as)

Truly if we are smart about it, we can use this newfound time to ponder about our lives. Where are we going? What are we doing to make sure we get to the right place?

What about our spiritual health?

What a time to actually ponder on the greatness of God and how small we are in this big world. The fact that one tiny virus brought the economy to its knees, shows us that we really aren’t in control.

Instead of using this time to binge watch on Netflix, how about improving our Quran recitation?

Instead of moping and stress eating, how about restarting that workout routine?

Instead of staying up late, and waking up in the day, how about starting the night prayers?

Instead of worrying about tomorrow, or focusing on what we’ll do once school reopens or travel bans are lifted, relax and read Nahjul Balagha, the sermons of Imam Ali. Read stories of the Shohada. See how they thought about life and overcoming hardships.

Use this time for improvement

-For parents, this is a great time to really sit down and talk with our kids. Observe them with their siblings. See what they’re good at, see what excites them, see what they need.

Sure, we might think we know our kids, but under calmer circumstances we can gain a better understanding of what needs improvement regarding their upbringing.

If we see one child needs more help in a specific subject, we can use this time to bring them up.

Now with no more outside activities to distract us, we can start doing more activities as a family. Game time, story time, prayer time, etc. The possibilities are endless.

-For single people or couples, use this time to reflect on your future plans, and what you need to get there.

Assess your financial situation and what can be improved. Are you saving properly? Spending too much? What about the future? This virus has put a toll on many families who depend on their paychecks to live.

If you’re ready to get married or start a family, have you figured out what needs to be addressed? Write down your goals, write down what you have worked on, and what needs improving.

-For older people, you might have seen everything, but you can still use this time to reflect on the future. What is the situation of your present relationships?

You might have raised children, become a grandparent, and retired, but is there something missing in your life? It’s not too late to address it and make a change.

There are lots of stories of communities helping communities, strangers reaching out to help others, businesses who once only thought of the bottom line, are realizing that money is not king.

Humans helping humans. Without a reason. Forgoing our selfishness. Maybe this is what we were intended to figure out?

There’s no exact formula on how to deal with life under the coronavirus. But as long as we make the best of it, and make fruitful efforts, we can change the course of our lives for the better.

Using social media consciously

As Muslims, how responsible are we on social media platforms?

I’m talking about “liking” posts that do not adhere to our Islamic values, posting pictures of ourselves or others that do not follow Islamic guidelines, and even using language unbecoming of a Muslim.

It’s quite unnerving to see Muslims carelessly engaging on social media platforms, yet very firm on their conviction to Islamic beliefs and practices.

I don’t see how realistically one can support Islamic principles, yet consciously “like” a post filled with swear words.

Unless you’re engaging on social media with your eyes closed and your brain as well.

Just because the vast, uncontrolled worlds of Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. seem to be a bottomless pit of anything and everything, it doesn’t mean we can’t think while using those sites.

As consumers of social media we already have succumbed to the lifestyle of “post first, think later.”

I know I was guilty of this for a long time. I had to relearn life without the dire need to post. (I guess I should be thankful for the fact that Facebook is blocked in Qom, and forced my rehab.)

I remember the time I actually realized how I had become obsessed with posting about my life, instead of enjoying it. I had just made a nice chocolate cake. My kids sat drooling in anticipation, and before cutting them a piece and letting them eat, I tried to get that perfect picture.

Sure, in retrospect it was no big deal. I just made my kids wait a few minutes. But it was the fact that I felt I needed that picture.

What would have happened if I didn’t take the picture and post it? Would it mean my chocolate cake didn’t exist? Would I be able to live without the likes and comments?

I’ve seen people walking around with just a phone in their hands, at the ready. Are they able to enjoy life? How can one enjoy company or an experience if they’re too busy trying to document it?

As social media consumers, and more importantly as Muslims, we must act consciously when engaging on these platforms. It means the language we use should be proper. It means the posts we like should be those that adhere to our principles and values.

Especially as students, or spouses of students, of the hawza. Once you are living in Qom, I believe it is the responsibility of each of us bestowed this honor to reside under the grace of Lady Masooma of Qom, to act and serve as our Islamic teachings dictate.

How will we ever be able to teach others about Islam and its values, if we are publicly doing the opposite? How can we talk to young girls about the problems they face regarding hijab, if we are publicly posting pictures of ourselves not following the rules of hijab?

Or how can we talk about issues regarding akhlaq, while we are “liking” posts promoting the opposite?

We shouldn’t feel forced to “like” anything. And we should constantly ask ourselves what need is being served while we use social media. If I’m aimlessly “exploring” on Instagram, then most likely I’ll end up wasting precious time.

In this regard what are we teaching our children when it comes to using social media? Now more than ever, kids, especially young children are frequenting social media applications with ease. Even though the material on these applications are oftentimes inappropriate.

But kids as young as 8, have their own social media profiles. And are posting regularly.

Be conscious in the time you spend on social media. Be conscious on what you “like” and what you follow on social media. Be conscious on what you post on social media.

Our Islamic values should be embedded in every part of our lives, and that also goes for what we allow our eyes to see.

There are many ways to use social media to help serve our cause, and in turn create a healthy connection. By just being aware of what we are accessing and posting, it helps free our minds from the unnecessary and useless.

The humbling reality of life when dealing with the coronavirus

Growing up in Houston, I’ve dealt with my fair share of flooding, tropical storms, tornadoes and hurricanes. Ask any Texan and most can recall a story about being stuck in some kind of flood, or being without power through a hurricane.

But I’ve never dealt with a virus – until now.

Living in Iran during the era of the coronavirus has been a challenging time. First it means understanding what this virus even is.

According to the World Health Organization, coronaviruses (or COVID-19) are a large family of viruses that cause illness ranging from the common cold to more severe diseases such as Middle East Respiratory Syndrome (MERS-CoV) and Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS-CoV). A novel coronavirus (nCoV) is a new strain that has not been previously identified in humans.

Now given that this virus is highly contagious, most of us have succumbed to self-quarantine. Schools have been off for more than a week already, and might be off for longer. People are avoiding going outside, and only venture out for the necessary errand.

At this time I’m very grateful for home grocery delivery. And my kids’ schools have started sending homework via Whatsapp and other messaging apps. My son’s teacher has started sending videos of herself giving math and Farsi lessons.

My own teachers are recording lectures and sending audio files via a class group. We also get sent homework, which we complete and send back to our teacher.

Given all the difficulties of our normal life coming to a standstill, it’s humbling to realize that some things are not in our control and how do we gain strength from trials in our lives and use them to grow and go forward.

Store owners are careful when dealing with customers. People walking around in masks and gloves. No one shaking hands after prayers at the local masjid. Everyone is just trying to be safe.

Our kids are also having to adjust to a very different school routine. But they’re making the best of it. And I have to say it’s a nice feeling to have breakfast together or bake more often, and to have our normal fast-paced life slow down a bit.

We have more time to talk, play, relax with each other, and not be so concerned with rushing off to bed.

Not to mention, spring cleaning came earlier this year. I’ve used the extra days to get a head start on organizing and cleaning up.

Even when many in Qom might have thought to fly back home, flights started getting canceled and risks of being quarantined stopped many. I know I for one took that as an opportunity to hold tighter to my faith in God and His plans.

Aren’t we sometimes too quick to think we are in charge? Or that our plans can be made smoothly without so much as a hiccup?

While it is a test, but a beautiful one to realize that in this huge vast world we are but tiny players. Our connection is to a system far more greater than our small needs and wants.

And the beauty of submitting to the plans of Allah, and having faith that He knows what is better for us than that what we think for ourselves.

Understanding Iran today through a foreigner’s eyes

We have called Qom, Iran home for the past seven years. And even though we have no family here, and sometimes feel out of place, there’s a special attachment in our hearts for the country who has given so much just to stand up on its own and reclaim their independence from bullying colonizers.The past few weeks have been quite a blur. From the assassination of General Qasim Soleimani, to the tragic crash of Ukrainian Airlines flight 752, many of us living in Iran have been glued to the TV or making time to mourn in our own private ways.I never really understood the ‘tough’ stance of this country against the West until I moved here.But for the past 60 plus years, Iran has been dealing with US interference, and not only on the international scene, but on the domestic front as well.When the US-backed Shah was kicked out in 1979, Iran found itself in a class of its own. A country in the Middle East literally wanting nothing to do with the US.So the US started finding ways of creating trouble within the country. With the help of allies, scientists were assassinated. They funded dissent. They started TV and radio channels against the Islamic government.It’s no secret that the US is out to bully Iran into submission. Tens of thousands of US troops are stationed all over the Middle East. And news of any anti-government protests are highlighted with grandeur.I used to work in newspapers. I remember the A1 stories that made it “above the fold,” meaning they were front and center. They captured all the attention.It was the editors’ jobs to decide what would get placed on the front page. So what makes the news? A million people mourning the death of an Iranian national hero and standing behind their leader? Or a couple hundred protesters angry at the Iranian government?I’ll let you guess.And I remember learning about the concept of “if it bleeds, it leads.” Meaning the news about any normal mundane thing will always take a backseat and be placed inside.But what I don’t understand is how our people don’t seek the truth. If you are seeing Trump standing with the hundreds of anti-government protesters, shouldn’t that give you pause? Especially when it supports the narrative the US is trying to control regarding Iran?And especially when the US is just a bully when it comes to Iran and the Middle East?What about the millions across the country who came out to mourn the slain general and support their government and Supreme Leader?Whether America likes it or not, the Iranians enjoy a relatively safe life, compared to their fellow Middle Easterners.Yes, there are real problems. Yes, there are sanctions causing many economic difficulties. Yes, there is corruption. But the people behind the scenes do a real good job protecting their countrymen.Guns are illegal – to own and sell. Drugs are illegal – to own and sell. There is no drinking and driving.I’ve never been scared sending my children to school. I don’t fear walking alone at night. Something I’d honestly be worried about back home in America.So when Iranians in the West, or anyone for that matter, raises concerns about the “protests,” I’d take it with a grain of salt.Especially when you see protesters are mostly painted with one color. They hate the Supreme Leader, or hijab.If you see the millions who came out after the death of General Soleimani, there were women who were not in black chadors. There were men who were not Islamic scholars. General Soleimani was a hero across the nation. He saved the country from the evil of ISIS. He was hated by the US because he stood up to protect his country from bullying and terrorist groups like al-Qaeda and ISIS, that the US at one time supported, yet conveniently likes to leave out.But when people in the West – Iranian or not – highlight the protests as the “face of Iran,” you are actually doing a disservice to the citizens of this great country.By exploiting the handful of unhappy people, who are also setting fires to cars and buildings, you are moving the focus from the real issues plaguing Iran, to instead support US intervention in this country.We all know what happens to any country that America touches – it faces severe problems and turns to dust. See Afghanistan and Iraq. The US has the opposite of the Midas touch when it comes to “spreading democracy in the Middle East.”Do us all a favor – if you care about Iran, let Iranians handle it. Because only Iranians can be responsible for taking care of their own business.And if they aren’t overthrowing the government, that means something is working.They’ve done it before, and they can do it again.

Simple, cheap ideas for keeping kids busy

It doesn’t take much to keep kids entertained. If you want to test this out, hide all their toys and devices, and give them a few minutes. Watch as they cleverly figure out how to have fun and use their creativity.

Studies show that giving kids less and not giving in when they’re “bored,” actually helps them learn to be creative.

Simple, cheap ideas

Age 0-6 months – so they aren’t so mobile yet, but starting to get curious. Here you will play a bigger part as their entertainer. Instill the help of siblings.

• Puppets out of paper bags or on popsicle sticks.
• Reading stories in an animated voice
• Animal sounds

Age 6-12 months:

• Empty toilet paper rolls as pretend telescopes
• Fill different size containers with beans or balls
• Bubble parties
• Empty boxes

Age 12-24 months:

• Watercolor painting in the shower. Less mess, and easy clean up. I would put all the kids in their bathing suits and then let them paint together. Then one by one they shower and you wash the paint away
• Empty egg shells to crack outside
• Plastic animals and a container or tray
• Ice cubes in a big bowl
• A magnifying glass
• Marker and whiteboard (with supervision)

Age 2 to 3 years:

• Stacking game with blocks/cups
• Bowling with empty plastic soda bottles
• Coloring (under supervision)

Age 4-6 years:

• Water balloon toss
• Painting rocks
• Playdough
• Creating scenes with stickers
• Cutting out fruits and veggies from grocery circulars and making menus

What to spend on

Naturally you will buy stuff for your children, or be gifted many things from generous family and friends. We should spend money on our children, but we should make those purchases count and not indulge in frivolous and impulse buying. Kids will end up learning that money is not valuable, and won’t think twice about what they’re buying.

Since we live overseas and are limited to how much we can bring back, I often try to buy those toys and books that can be used with more than one child, and those things that bolster creativity instead of running out quickly.

So here are some ideas of useful toys/devices that are worth the investment:

• Legos (but variety sets, not of something specific)
• Magnetic tiles
• Building toy sets
• Blocks (wooden or plastic)
• Craft items (Markers, pom poms, beads, pipe cleaners, stickers, etc. I pick up anything on sale.)
• Board games that the entire family can play together
• A gaming console with kid-friendly games for those rainy days
• Leapfrog LeapPad – while it is a bit pricey depending on how many games you want, the variety of educational material to choose from is big, and once you’ve bought an app you can download it on three devices. I’ve used their devices and even cross-installed games for three of my kids. That made my purchases go a long way.

While I know some parents are anti-electronics, I think the more practical approach is controlled use of electronics and screen time. I’ve seen new parents flat out say, “My kids don’t use screens” to eventually forking over the phone when kids have a meltdown. Sure, parenting techniques change and kids do, too, but it’s smarter to be flexible from the get-go before you’re forced to eat your own words.

Unless you plan on never taking out and using a phone in front of your child, help them learn about the appropriate use of electronics.

Parenting is an art, and there’s no perfect way to do everything. But the key is consistency and kindness. Be firm, yet gentle. And always be there for your kids. The emails, TV shows, even dinner, can wait. We put too much emphasis on the things that don’t matter.

With our kids, it surely is the little things that matter most.

Don’t succumb to the ‘colonialized victim’ mentality

Since moving to Qom, one of the interesting things I noticed was how enthralled Iranians would get if they found out we were from America, or that we knew English.

Of course to most of them the misconception was that being “from America” meant we were reverts to Islam. The first few times that it happened, and I was asked “how long I’ve been Muslim,” I had to explain that I was of Pakistani origin and born Muslim, and yes, all of my family is Muslim, etc. So from then on when I was asked, “where are you from?” I just started telling them I was from Pakistan.

It doesn’t help my case when my kids speak to me, or each other, in English.

I understand the “awe” factor when you see someone speaking in a different language and it’s one you might not know. Like when I had a friend who spoke French, English and Urdu, yet talked to her daughters in only French and Urdu. They didn’t know English, and I was always loved hearing their conversations in French.

But what disappoints me is when someone thinks a language or culture is superior to their own. Thanks to colonialism, this is a mindset I have seen way too often – whether it was among Pakistanis or Indians, or even now among Iranians.

One day a couple friends and I were sitting in a local park watching our children play. We were speaking in English, and before we knew it a young Iranian lady walked over to us and asked if she could join us to practice her English.

While it was a bit awkward, since we were just relaxing and being informal, nevertheless we said sure, and she sat down and asked us where we from. Two of us were from America, and one friend was from Canada.

She was quite impressed and then told us how she wished she could go to Canada because it was “so much nicer” than Iran.

So my friend told her, sure, it is a beautiful country but there is beauty in all countries, even Iran. She passed off the compliment and started complaining about all the problems there were in Iran.

Granted, there are serious economic concerns in the country, brought on by external sanctions and internal corruption, and other cultural issues. But really? You have nothing nice to say about your own motherland?

This lady, who had never been to either country, assumed both countries were like pieces of heaven on Earth. Yes, there are lovely parts of every country. I can’t deny that I love going back home. But we told her about some of the obvious problems we saw there: lack of gun control, crime, drugs, cultural issues regarding immodesty and drinking, or the abundance of inappropriate themes on television and movies for young children. She agreed that those were valid concerns, but felt that being Iranian was now a target for being hated.

She said, with an Iranian passport I’m looked at with disdain. And it doesn’t help that our kids in school are taught to hate America, and the West.

I looked at her in surprise. I felt myself heating up, and I had to calm down. You mean to tell me if another country steps into your country and facilitates a coup, or starts spying, that should be OK?

She just sat there bewildered.

I told her to look at the example of Pakistan. Always a lapdog for the U.S., and yet never given a break. It continuously aims to please the West and doesn’t get a bone in return. So, for what is this ridiculous obsession?

I asked her what do you think America would do if a country came onto their land and established a military base. Do you think America would say, “Welcome!” No. Never. They would wipe that country out with a nuclear bomb or two.

Meanwhile sovereign nations should just sit quietly by while the U.S. or England comes in and takes what they want. And if there’s even a peep – as in the case of Mossadeq – they will just take you out with a CIA-backed coup.

My slightly long retort was met with a sheepish grin and silence. Inside my heart was aching for a nation that watched so many of their young sons and daughters die for freedom. For real freedom. Freedom from the hands of the oppressors.

I told her that you should be proud of a leader who doesn’t allow anyone to come into Iran and take what they want. If that means financial burdens, then know that these burdens means you can at least live with your head held high. So you are hated because your country refuses to be oppressed. Live with dignity, and not with humiliation.

This is what the West wants to do with their sanctions and their threats. They want to make you beg for respite. They want to make you follow them around like a lapdog. And even then – as in the case of Pakistan, unfortunately – they will make you suffer. Is it worth it?

After the lady left to meet her mother, my friends and I discussed why so many are so ready to give allegiance to a country that is solely interested in wiping out their own.

“You know it’s easy to talk about how nice Iran is and how hard it is back home. Because we have a choice in the end,” my friend said.

I thought about that long and hard. It is somewhat true. Even though we also face the financial burdens here in Iran, thanks to sanctions and currency fluctuations, we also deal with our expenses differently. We might have dollars or euros saved, and most all of us have help from back home.

But it is the attitude that makes me think we have serious work to do. As foreign students, we are in the interesting position of being able to talk about both cultures and we should be able to discuss it in an unbiased, yet realistic, way.

Naturally there should be no problem in wanting to visit America, Canada, or England, etc. But to feel inferior if you can’t speak English? Or to think it’s something really great because I have an American passport? Or hate everything about Iran because you are naïve about the political issues facing your country?

I remember once being asked with awe and amazement as to how my kids knew English. I said you know how you were born in Iran and know Farsi? That’s how my kids know English. It’s just a language.

I am not Iranian, but just living in a country home to Imam Reza (as), his sister, Lady Fatima Masooma, and the many, many Shaheed who gave their lives so that their country could be safe from oppression, is an honor for me.

And I really pray that others — especially Iranians — also feel honor in this humbling association. I truly believe that the Almighty does not let the blood of a Shaheed go in vain. But we must honor that sacrifice and defend it with our blood, sweat and tears for it to last for the long haul.

Arbaeen: Going to Karbala as a family

This year as a family we joined millions of people who walked on the journey of love, or safar e ishq. We traveled to Iraq for Arbaeen, or the 40th day after the day of Ashura. Ashura, or the 10th of Moharram (the first month of Islamic calendar), is the day the grandson of the Holy Prophet, Imam Hussain ibne Ali (as) was martyred with 72 of his family members and companions.

Ever since my husband went by himself for Arbaeen a few years ago, he claimed it wasn’t possible as a family. It’s just too difficult. The kids are going to have a really hard time. It’s too crowded. 

At first I was upset. Seeing pictures and documentaries of the Arbaeen walk made my heart ache. I wanted to be a part of that beautiful journey. But then I gave in. OK, it will be hard. I’ll just wait until they’re older.

But this year I told my husband, let’s just try. If it works out, it works out. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. By the grace of the Almighty, everything worked out beautifully. And we set off on our journey.

I was skeptical the kids would cooperate all the way. But we set realistic walking goals, and after taking the blazing heat into consideration, we managed to part-walk, and part-bus it all the way from Najaf to Karbala.

Even though we live in Qom now, my kids are quite accustomed to a routine and a relatively easy life, Alhamdulillah. (However, they are pros at the squatters now!)

But you can’t teach them about overcoming obstacles by just telling them. I find they grow stronger when they physically endure.

No it’s not easy, but taking kids on a ziyarat trip is actually a good way to teach them about our Holy Prophet (PBUH) and his beloved family, and a good way to teach them about learning to overcome obstacles.

Sure we had some whining, long bus waits and there were plenty of hot days, but when we were in the shrines of Imam Hussain (as) and his dear brother Hazrat Abbas on the day of Arbaeen, I cannot even put into words the love and beauty I witnessed. There was no violence, no fear, no hate. Just pure love. Tears. Prayers. Light. Hope. And more than anything that I could explain to my kids about this, they witnessed it themselves. For the first time my kids had no questions. They saw. They saw the love for Imam Hussain (as). They saw the sadness of Karbala. They finally realized what I mean when I always say, “See how many people love Imam Hussain (as)? See the beauty of his ultimate sacrifice?”

All during the walk from Najaf from Karbala my kids saw little ones like them handing out water, tissue, tea, fruit, etc. They were given gifts from random people who would pat their heads proudly at these little lovers of Imam Hussain (as). At one point I remember it was hot and there were some men who would spray mists of water at the people walking. My eldest ran to him and after getting all wet, started walking again and just said, “I hope another guy comes and does that again.” No sooner had she mentioned this, another man was standing in the middle spraying. I smiled at her and said, “See? If you walk toward Imam Hussain with a pure intention, Allah will make it easier for you. He answered your request.”

How can we expect our children to feel a love for our honorable Ahle Bait if we don’t make an effort to show them? Kids are very resilient, and with the right intention, Allah will make the trip easy for us. I remember being very concerned about certain bathroom situations (just holes in the ground) or sleeping arrangements in the mawkebs during Arbaeen. Imagine a big slumber party with strangers. But my eldest sat down and said, “It’s not so bad. It could be worse.” I thanked Allah from the bottom of my heart.  This is what I wanted her to learn.

Thank you Allah for giving us the opportunity to visit your beloved slaves. Through their love You honored us with this blessing. I pray we get to go again soon, and that our children always follow in their footsteps.

Martyred like his master: The will of Shaheed Mohsen Hojaji

عجب محرم شد امسال

شهيد بي سرم برگشته

“It was an odd Moharram this year

My Shaheed without a head returned…”

-Hajj Mahmoud Karimi

*******

This year the beginning of Moharram coincided with the week of the Sacred Defense, or Defa’e Moqaddas. This was the name given to the war between Iran and Iraq.

Around Qom we saw banners of shaheed embraced by images of Karbala. Although sad, it was a beautiful reminder of all the men and women who were killed to preserve the honor and dignity of Iran.

And while the country was already commemorating the week of the Sacred Defense, and Moharram, they opened their arms and welcomed back the body of their own who was recently martyred in Syria by Daesh.

Shaheed Mohsen Hojaji was a mere 26 years old when he was captured by Daesh, tortured and beheaded while defending the shrine of Lady Zainab (sa). The horrific video of his capture and subsequent torture was blasted online, but the calmness on his face proved he had the heart of a Hussaini soldier.

His will should be required reading for all of us. The beauty of his words, the way he remembers Imam Hussain (as) and his family, teaches us a great lesson in what it means to actually love the Holy Prophet and his family.

Below is a translation to the best of my ability. I ask forgiveness for not doing it justice, as the Farsi is more eloquent.

(The will starts with a poem in honor of Lady Zainab, the sister of Imam Hussain. I will not translate it as it would lose its value, but if you know Farsi, please take the time to read it.) 

In the name of God, the Light

May Allah’s peace and blessings be on Lady Fatima Zahra (sa)

“And do not perceive those who are killed in Allah’s way as dead, nay, they are alive and receiving sustenance from their Lord.”

(Here is one line written in poetic verse which I did not translate.)

No more than a few hours remain before leaving; as the time nears for leaving my heart gets more excited.

I don’t know what to write or how to explain how I’m feeling.

I don’t know how to explain my happiness or how or with what language to thank Allah for bringing me here.

As per my responsibility I’m writing a few lines as my will with my pen.

I don’t know what happened that I was destined to be on this course full of love… I don’t know what things caused this.

Without a doubt, my mother’s halal milk, my father’s halal sustenance, and my choice of a spouse, and many other things have had an effect.

It’s been a lifetime of my days and nights that I’ve been living by the love of shahadat (martyrdom), and I have and do always have faith that with shahadat I will reach the highest level of a worshipper.

I tried very hard to reach this place myself, but I don’t know how much I have succeeded.

I just have hope from the mercy of Allah and the Ahle Bait (Holy Prophet and his family), and I’m hopeful that they accept this sinner and they shower their mercy on this servant full of faults.

That if this were to happen – praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds

If one day you hear the news of the shahadat of this humble servant who was full of shortcomings; know that the reason for this is nothing except from the mercy of Allah.

That is because He forgave me and helped me..

My dear wife, Zahra 

If one day you hear the news of my shahadat, know that I achieved what I wished for as my real goal by marrying you, and have pride yourself that your husband was sacrificed for Lady Zainab.

Be tolerant, do not mourn, be patient, and think of yourself in the presence of Lady Zainab… Lady Zainab saw far more problems than you.

My dear father

You were and are always my role model for my life and how to be a man. If one day you see the news of my shahadat, that moment imagine Imam Hussain ibne Ali next to his dear son, Ali Akbar.

The pain of this separation is not greater than Aba Abdillah. Therefore be patient my father, I know it’s hard but it can be done.

My dear mother 

Ummul Baneen (mother of Hazrat Abbas) gave four sons in the way of Imam Hussain and Lady Zainab, and it didn’t sadden her.

Even that moment when they gave her the news of the shahadat of her sons, she didn’t care because they were given in the way of Hussain.

Therefore if one day you hear the news of my shahadat, be like Ummul Baneen, patient and full of pride and say you’ve sacrificed me for Hussain and Zainab, and do not make the heart of the enemy happy by being intolerant.

My dear brother 

If one day you see me in the clothes of a shaheed, that moment remember that Aba Abdillah was there at the deathbed of Abbas ibne Ali, and the pain of separation broke his back.

Do not be unthankful, don’t doubt this gift that you have offered for Islam.

My good sisters

That moment I said goodbye to you and my mother and father, I remembered the time that the family of Hazrat Ali Akbar sent him to the battlefield. So if I also become shaheed, sacrifice your sadness and tears for Ali Akbar, and don’t think your pain is greater than that of the family of Imam Hussain.

My dear son, Ali 

Forgive me if I don’t see you grow or become a man… Try to continue my legacy. Try to work in the way where your fate ends in shahadat.

My dear mother and father-in-law 

I always thought of you as my real parents and I’m happy that I was destined to be a part of your family.

To you I won’t ask for anything but patience and strength, always remember Ali Akbar was also a new groom of Karbala*. (*This may not literally mean that Ali Akbar was a new groom. InshAllah will update after some research.)

From all of you I request that you forgive this sinner, if I trampled on the right of anyone, if I gossiped about anyone behind their back, if I displeased anyone, if I sinned, forgive me.

If I become shaheed, until that where I am given permission, I will ask for your redemption.

A few notes:

Don’t be heedless of Wilayat Faqih, and know that I am certain that Imam Khamenei is the rightful representative of Imam Mahdi.

I ask all my dear sisters and women of the Ummat of the Holy Prophet to strengthen their hijab day by day. Do not let your hair attract a namahram . Do not let vanity attract others (namahram).  Do not put your chador away.

Always make your role model Lady Zahra and the ladies of Ahle Bait.

That time when Lady Ruqaiya talked to her father, she said:

Don’t worry about my hijab Baba; my chador is burnt but it’s still on my head.

To all the men of the Ummat of the Holy Prophet I request that you not get fooled by Western culture. Always keep Ali ibne Abi Talib Amirul Momineen as your role model, and take lessons from the Shohada (martyrs).

Be ready to sacrifice for the appearance of Imam Mahdi, and be ready to fight with the unbelievers, especially Israel, because that day is very near.

Always serve Allah, so your end will be good.

(Shaheed Hojaji ends his will with a few debts that remained, and the dua for the reappearance of Imam Mahdi)

In Islam we learn that to sacrifice ourselves for this religion is the ultimate honor. We always relate martyrdom to our Imams and the way they lived. But what does it mean when a 26-year-old of this generation is also living this way? Shaheed Hojaji was a normal young man. He went to school, married, had a son… yet in his short time on Earth he learned the way to live the best life.

Shaheed Hojaji was not an extremist. He passionately sought martyrdom as the honorable end to his life. He loved Lady Zainab and wished to defend her shrine in Syria. Everyone has to die, why not with purpose? Mohsen Hojaji went to Mashhad and prayed and pleaded to Imam Reza (as) to permit him to be martyred.

As one of the fortunate ones in this world, his prayer was answered. Not only was he martyred, but in the same fashion as his leader, Aba Abdillah Hussain (as).

May we all learn from this young shaheed, and others like him, who gave their lives and died for Islam. Who died with purpose and dignity.

All shohada are an inspiration for us. May Allah give us the tawfeeq, or opportunity, to follow in your footsteps and turn our hearts into that of a Hussaini soldier.